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Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category

Why is Videogame Journalism full of Morons?

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Videogame journalism has been in a decline for the last two decades now. In the early 90s magazines were giving average games a 7 out of 10 score instead of the more obvious 5, purely to appease developers and publishers, and to ensure they continued to get review copies of the latest games. Incredulous and deceitful, but at least it served a purpose.

Now, in the 21st century, we’re getting all kinds of articles popping up on gaming blogs that, in all honestly, really shouldn’t be there.

When Juno came out in 2007, a rep at Fox came out in early 2008 and said something to the effect of her job being finding ways of expanding brands, for example by developing videogames based upon them, and she cited Juno as an example of a successful film that could go down that path. Every gaming blog I subscribed to lept upon this as clear evidence that a Juno videogame was in the works! Perhaps the worst offender out there was Gawker-owned gaming blog Kotaku, who a few days later posted an article stating the bloody obvious – the game wasn’t really under development, and an innocent comment had been taken out of context.

Don’t go looking for the article where Kotaku excitedly and terrifyingly reveal that Juno: The Game is under development. You won’t find it – they’ve long since deleted it. However a quick Google for “juno video game” reveals that there are plenty of articles on the subject written by other gaming blogs and news sites just as trigger-happy as, but perhaps a little more honest than, Kotaku are.

This morning Kotaku are once again guilty of getting all in a panic over something stupid. A recent post on the gaming blog put forth the question: With Halo Reach coming out this year and the game planning to offer a new multiplayer experience, will the Halo 3 servers be shutting down? The conclusion that they came to: No. Of course the answer is no. That’s not a question that requires you to get any clock cycles going in the brain. But for some reason the writer felt it necessary to contact someone at Bungie to find out.

That may be the single most retarded question I’ve ever seen posed on a gaming website. Halo is a huge franchise. There are people who are still playing the first one, for Glod’s sake. The Halo 2 servers are due to be closed this month but only because Xbox Live support for original Xbox games is being shut down. Hell, even smaller franchises like Worms have kept their servers up and running for older titles – the Worms 2 server has been going since 1997 and it’s still up and running, as are all the servers for every Worms game released since. Asking if the servers for an insanely popular game are going to be shut down two and a half years after the game was first released (and six months after a standalone expansion for the game was released) just because a new entry in the series is coming out is bloody stupid, and I can’t help but wonder exactly what was going through the mind of Brian Crecente, the writer of the entry, when he felt the need to not only pose the question but to research something with such a mind-meltingly obvious answer.

(It should be pointed out that Gawker Media’s blogs aren’t exactly beacons of fact. Last year io9 reported that Neil Gaiman was definitely writing an episode of Doctor Who for the show’s fifth series, and what’s more they knew the title and plot as well. That entry can be found here, although they removed the reference to the title and story in the wake of the denial Neil Gaiman issued shortly after io9 posted the news.)

Why is videogame journalism in such a turgid state? Why are the so-called journalists who write about the industry wasting so much time and energy asking questions that don’t need to be asked, and reporting news that isn’t really news? One could argue that this is the state of journalism as a whole, but I don’t think that’s the answer. Despite how seriously magazines like EDGE and websites like GamesIndustry.biz try to make themselves appear to be, the truth is that videogame journalism never broke out of its infancy. It’s filled with people writing what they think they know instead of actually doing the research. It’s filled with people raising concerns and asking questions about things that everybody already knows the answers to. It’s filled with people getting excited about a game one moment and then forgetting about it in the next. Gaming journalism has a lot of things, but an interest in games and a passion for the medium isn’t one of them.

And that’s a real shame.

Incompetent Love

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

I started the year by re-reading Rob Grant’s “Incompetence” which, as a side-project, I’m adapting into a screenplay. I’ve already started typing up the dialogue for individual scenes but I’ve yet to sew anything together. I’m also trying to work out how to reorder the story – the prologue, for instance, happens between chapters four and five – and how to work the first-person perspective. Do I go for the typical Film Noiresque voiceover approach, or have Harry Salt talk directly to the camera, to the audience High Fidelity style?

That’s not all, though – with my friend Rene Engström having recently wrapped up her webcomic, Anders Loves Maria, I mentioned on Twitter that I’d been fighting the desire over the last few days to adapt the story into a screenplay. And Rene, Glod bless the poor misguided fool, has given me her blessing. Yikes! I’ve already started making notes! Iv’e got two adaptations on the go at once, not to mention two Jump Leads scripts on the go and a website redesign in the works!

Considering current events in my personal life, I welcome the distraction. I need it. It’s either work on stuff like this, or waste my day playing Star Trek Online, and that’s something I can easily do at night, when most of civilized society (well, most of American society at least) are asleep. If you play STO, come find me online – Paddon@Squirminator2k.

Anyway, sigh and lament. I’m off to bed. Far too late, as usual.

1. EXT. FLURRY – DAY

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

So after months of work, the script for Jump Leads #10: The Voyage Home is more or less finished. It probably still need a little polishing, but the first collaboration between all four of the Jump Leads writers has been finished. The first Jump Leads script to have more than one writer work on it. The first… oh, I can do this all day. The point is that this script is done, and I feel like a weight has been taken off of my shoulders. This is the absolute closest we’ve come to the wire. Usually the next two or three stories have already been written up by the time the issue you’re reading is on the website, but as I mentioned at the end of last year, I decided to throw out the next two years’ worth of scripts to take the story in a new direction.

With this script finished, and all the loose ends tied up together, I can’t wait to begin work on #11 (although considering we have a habit of slotting in four-page stories between the major ones, #10 may become #11, and #11 may become #13). It’s called Deus Ex Litterae. You know it’s going to be a good one because the title is in Latin.

I also had an idea for a film a couple of nights ago – for a romantic comedy, no less – but I’ll probably start work on that next week. I’ve not been very productive the last few days, as my wonderful girlfriend Helen is going to be flying back to Ohio on Saturday and will be staying there indefinitely. My current plan: Find a day job, earn enough to rent a place, and bring her home.

Revealing my Incompetence

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

If you’ve known me for any length of time, you’ll know that one of my favourite novels is Incompetence by the incredibly funny Rob Grant (perhaps best known, much to his chagrin, as the co-creator of Red Dwarf). It’s a superb book – part crime thriller, part gut-busting comedy, part social commentary. I usually make a point of trying to read it at least once a year.

For a while now I’ve had the urge to adapt the novel into a screenplay, just for my own amusement. I’ve never done an adaptation before, and I feel the story in Incompetence would lend itself well to a feature film adaptation. So my project for January is to get a first draft of Incompetence: The Movie: The Screenplay knocked out.

Wish me luck.

Jumping Ahead

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

I will confess to you – about a year ago, I began to lose interest in writing Jump Leads. I was having severe difficulties coming up with stories that interested me. That’s the most important thing at the end of the day, and if I’m not satisfied with a story why the Hell will anyone else be? Dozens of scripts were started, dozens of scripts were shelved.

A few months later, I hit upon a way of revitalizing my interest in the story by giving Meaney and Llewellyn some direction. I won’t spoil anything for you, but over the last few months Eugene, Euan, Andrew, Paul and I have been working on the direction the comic is going to take, and in doing so we’ve actually scrapped about two years’ worth of future scripts, finished or otherwise, to make these changes.

We have a story arc, spreading out over about six issues in total. We’ve more or less got an idea of where it’s heading although we still need to join the dots. What’s more, I know where it’s going once that arc is finished.

It’s a remarkable feeling, knowing where your story is going. I must confess that when Jump Leads first started I had only the vaguest of ideas of what I wanted to do with it. The concept has a formula and a loose structure but it’s difficult to write for, and now we’ve worked together on giving it something to work towards I feel completely revitalized. These are decisions I wouldn’t have made a or two ago, but as I become more confident in myself as a writer I feel more prepared to take risks, and more capable of pulling them off successfully.

Gentlemen, to the future. …Oh, you don’t have glasses. Well, just pretend.

On A Seven-Day Diary

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

This is without a doubt my favourite poem of all time. It’s called “On A Seven-Day Diary” by Alan Dugan.

Oh I got up and went to work
and worked and came back home
and ate and talked and went to sleep.
Then I got up and went to work
and worked and came back home
from work and ate and slept.
Then I got up and went to work
and worked and came back home
and ate and watched a show and slept.
Then I got up and went to work
and worked and came back home
and ate steak and went to sleep.
Then I got up and went to work
and worked and came back home
and ate and fucked and went to sleep.
Then it was Saturday, Saturday, Saturday!
Love must be the reason for the week!
We went shopping! I saw clouds!
The children explained everything!
I could talk about the main thing!
What did I drink on Saturday night
that lost the first, best half of Sunday?
The last half wasn’t worth this “word.”
Then I got up and went to work
and worked and came back home
from work and ate and went to sleep,
refreshed but tired by the weekend.

This poem epitomizes exactly the sort of life I have sought to avoid. The grind, the chore of merely existing as opposed to the joy of living. It’s one of the reasons I left the UK and came looking for something better in the United States.

It’s also probably one of the reasons I’m presently unemployed. Bugger.

As an aside, I wish I could write poetry like this. I which I could make words flow like liquid half as well as Dugan could.

Of Plums and Puddings

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Michelle recently told me that I use name-calling far too often on But, Sir…, which undermines the entire point of the blog. She is not wrong. It used to be that I would use insults sparingly, but recently I’ve been using them a lot. A lot of a lot, actually. It’s lazy, and I’m sure I could justify it all by saying “I’ve had it with these motherfucking morons on this motherfucking petitions site”, but if that were true why bother writing the blog at all? Why half-heartedly consider the possibility of putting a book together at some point in the next twelve months?

This week Andrew and I had a lovely email conversation with a man who objected to me calling him a “fucking plum”, and then changed his position so that he’d only objected to me using the word “fucking”, and then threatened to call the Police. It highlighted two very important points – that there’s nothing wrong with name-calling, and that I really should tone it down a little. So I have done. I posted a bunch of petitions on But, Sir… today and there’s nary an insult amongst them. Considering one of those petitions came from recurring problem petitioner Keith Jones, I think I did rather well.

Jump Leads is updating again, and I have to say it’s a bit of a relief. JjAR had taken a month off to try and work on becoming a freelance artist, but the work just isn’t out there in Russia so he’s stuck behind a desk still. I’m hoping I can pull from my exhaustive list of contacts to try and get him work on this side of the pond – maybe even a Work Visa. We’ll see what happens.

There’ll be a new episode of Ben Paddon’s Feeble Excuse going up hopefully tomorrow featuring an awesome interview with the Grand Daddy of Nerdcore himself, MC Frontalot, and I’m once again collaborating on a project with Kill9 Studios that should be oodles of fun to write and shoot provided we don’t all get exterminated in the process.

io9 post list of top 100 scifi shows, have big ugly face that’s as dumb as a butt

Friday, August 28th, 2009

io9, the scifi & fantasy blog owned by Gawker Media, have taken time from their busy schedule of Googling for pornographic Futurama fan-art to post a “Top 100 Science Fiction/Fantasy Shows Of All Time” list. I happen to side with Mil Millington on the subject of “lists as journalism” – namely, it’s bollocks – and their list is more reprehensible than comprehensive. Let’s take a look at some of the items on that list, shall we?

(more…)

On the subject of Wheelchairs

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

On the subject of Wheelchairs

Perhaps one of the most annoying plot devices that comes up in bad sitcoms and most teen drama shows is the “You Think You Have It So Tough” story. In this story one of the central character’s quirks or disabilities – usually something like blindness or being in a wheelchair – is “simulated” by the other lead characters, who end the experience with a renewed respect for the disabled character and a deeper understanding of the adversity that said character has endured.

The first season of ABC’s Glee is going to have a story like this. I know this because I’m an extra in that particular episode. A bunch of the characters wind up being told by a teacher that they have to spend the whole day in wheelchairs to get a better understanding of just how rough the one character who is actually in a wheelchair has it. One of the scenes we filmed involved one of the able-bodied characters rolling down the corridor in his loaner wheelchair for the first time, getting his head pushed, prodded, poked, whacked, wholloped and banged by the various other students who were apparently totally oblivious to the fact that the fucking High School Linebacker (or whoever) is now in a fucking wheelchair.

Those sort of stories bug me for a number of reasons. Firstly, it’s been done to death. It’s the sort of story that writes itself because the writer has invariably already seen it done somewhere else. That isn’t what makes it lazy writing, though. What makes it lazy writing is that it never deviates from the established formula. Nothing changes. Nobody has ever done anything interesting with the concept. I can’t think of a writer other than Joss Whedon who might decide, for example, to have a Horrible Accident occur during the One In A Wheelchair that actually leaves one of the other principle characters permanently in a wheelchair for some reason.

Secondly, the characters don’t learn anything. At all. As in the comic above, they can get out of their chairs at the end of the day. Wheely McWheelerson, the Only Disabled Kid In School, can’t.

I forget how I was going to end this rant, so I’m going to stop typing now.

James Moran is not your Bitch

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

From Torchwood writer James Moran’s blog, concerning some of the angry, bitter feedback he’s had from a small group of “fans” about certain decisions they made during the story plotting process:

So here’s the deal: I’m a professional writer. That’s my job. I write what I write, for whatever the project might be. I have the utmost respect for you, and honestly want you to like my work, but I can’t let that affect my story decisions. Everybody wants different things from a story, but this is not a democracy, you do not get to vote. You are free to say what you think of my work, even if you hate it, I honestly don’t mind. But the ONLY person I need to please is myself, and the ONLY thing I need to serve is the story. Not you. I will do my work to the very best of my ability, in an attempt to give you the best show, the best movie, the best story, the best entertainment I possibly can. Even if that means that sometimes, I’ll do things you won’t like. I won’t debate it. Either you go along with it, or you don’t. None of it is done to hurt you, or to force some agenda down your throat, or anything else. It’s all in service of the story.

I have to say, I agree with him entirely. Read the entire post here.

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